Saturday, April 09, 2005
Mr. Lonely
The building I live in consists of NYU students enjoying their “early 20’s” college experience. When Friday night rolls around, you best be dolled up in your best goods and ready for a night out on the town. And when you walk out of your apartment door and into the elevator, God forbid you should happen to run into a 28 year old guy doing his laundry on said Friday night. This is my home, my life, the thought process, and the dorm that I never escaped after college.
I remember when I was that age and I remember what I thought when I saw anyone doing their laundry on a Friday night. “What a tool! How sad! Do you not have friends? Do anything BUT your laundry on a Friday night.” Yet my boyfriend came home around 7pm tonight and we proceeded to do just that; have a Friday night that was in no way exciting or cool. Or well…anything.
My friend Rita was supposed to come this weekend and although I was down with the change in plans, I also believed that I would find something to do to compensate. My friend Angie stopped by. Paul came home and tolerated me for a couple of hours. And then the cheese stood alone. At 11:30pm on a Friday night.
This isn’t my life. This isn’t me. This isn’t what I want to be doing right now.
I’ve recently fallen madly in love with a song by Akon called Mr. Lonely. It’s a mix of an old Bobby Vinton song from ’64 combined with new lyrics and mainstream hip hop hotness. (total alliteration – I almost feel horny) To me it’s the hottest song I’ve heard all year and I always get super excited when a song strikes me so deeply. See Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day.
It could be that I played the song so many times tonight that I feel like “Mr. Lonely” myself. Or it could be that I’m bored with me and what I’m about.
I’m in the midst of a transition right now. And rather than the transition guiding me, I am guiding the transition. I’ve never been in that position before and I fear that my apathy has finally caught up with me.
I shouldn’t BE sitting here alone on a Friday night. A friend of mine invited me out tonight and I didn’t go. Why? Because apathy rules me and I have yet to stop wallowing in my superficial rut and make a change. I have yet to grab hold of my destiny and go for the ride. I plan boring because boring is safe. My life has never been safe so why am I allowing it to be that way now?
I write this now because I want to look back on the way I felt at this moment. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and attribute this thought process to alcohol or depression or loneliness.
I want to believe in the reality of this and I want to believe in the possibility and accomplishment of the change.
The building I live in consists of NYU students enjoying their “early 20’s” college experience. When Friday night rolls around, you best be dolled up in your best goods and ready for a night out on the town. And when you walk out of your apartment door and into the elevator, God forbid you should happen to run into a 28 year old guy doing his laundry on said Friday night. This is my home, my life, the thought process, and the dorm that I never escaped after college.
I remember when I was that age and I remember what I thought when I saw anyone doing their laundry on a Friday night. “What a tool! How sad! Do you not have friends? Do anything BUT your laundry on a Friday night.” Yet my boyfriend came home around 7pm tonight and we proceeded to do just that; have a Friday night that was in no way exciting or cool. Or well…anything.
My friend Rita was supposed to come this weekend and although I was down with the change in plans, I also believed that I would find something to do to compensate. My friend Angie stopped by. Paul came home and tolerated me for a couple of hours. And then the cheese stood alone. At 11:30pm on a Friday night.
This isn’t my life. This isn’t me. This isn’t what I want to be doing right now.
I’ve recently fallen madly in love with a song by Akon called Mr. Lonely. It’s a mix of an old Bobby Vinton song from ’64 combined with new lyrics and mainstream hip hop hotness. (total alliteration – I almost feel horny) To me it’s the hottest song I’ve heard all year and I always get super excited when a song strikes me so deeply. See Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day.
It could be that I played the song so many times tonight that I feel like “Mr. Lonely” myself. Or it could be that I’m bored with me and what I’m about.
I’m in the midst of a transition right now. And rather than the transition guiding me, I am guiding the transition. I’ve never been in that position before and I fear that my apathy has finally caught up with me.
I shouldn’t BE sitting here alone on a Friday night. A friend of mine invited me out tonight and I didn’t go. Why? Because apathy rules me and I have yet to stop wallowing in my superficial rut and make a change. I have yet to grab hold of my destiny and go for the ride. I plan boring because boring is safe. My life has never been safe so why am I allowing it to be that way now?
I write this now because I want to look back on the way I felt at this moment. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and attribute this thought process to alcohol or depression or loneliness.
I want to believe in the reality of this and I want to believe in the possibility and accomplishment of the change.
